My name's Jenasis, and I have a two and a half year old named Malaki (Malachi). Since he was born, his father has been in and out of the picture. I got pregnant at sixteen and he was eighteen, he WANTED to have a child, but when he got here he ditched (which I expected). The thing is, that my boyfriend, whom I've been with for a year and a half spends a ton of time with my son, even calling him his son. He has a two year old son as well, but his mother (currently) has full custody until we can get there. Kris (my boyfriend) wants his son (Keshawn) to call me "mommy" and he wants Malaki to call him "daddy". The thing is, after just a year and a half I'm not ready for that. He's not Malaki's daddy and even though he's been the only father figure Malaki has had, I want to be sure that he'll stick around (he's seventeen and still in high school, but he's a senior this year). I don't know how to tell him that we aren't ready. We're "practically" engaged and looking for a house to move into, but I know fairytales aren't real and that this might not last. Malaki sometimes slips up and says "Daddy" and it melts Kris and me....
How can I tell him that we aren't ready?
And when should I allow his son and mine to call the other a parent?
P.s.-Any rude comments WILL be deleted. I'm asking for help, which brings on opinions, but please, keep it clean.
Tell him flat out that his son will not be calling you mommy. He has a mommy, and it is not you.
& your son, will call your SO what ever HE is comfortable with, don't force him to call him one thing or another.
For one, I think this is completely up to you. I have a 3 year old and I am no longer with his father and I am in a different marriage. BD lives in Michigan (still a very great father though) and we live in north Carolina. That doesnt change the fact that my LO calls my husband Joey. I know your situation is different but it really is up to you.
You can't delete rude comments BAWHAHAHA:twisted:
Also I don't think it is a good idea for his son to call you mommy EVER considering his REAL mom is in the picture.
What about coming up with another father-like term of respectful endearment for your LO to call your boyfriend? That way, he isn't using "Dad" which seems like it should be saved for BD (when/if he is in LO's life), but would still provide a way for your SO to form a bond.
I disagree with it completely. He is not his father, and you are not the other boys mother. How would you feel if you were the other babymama and your child was calling someone else mommy? It's great you guys love each others' kids, but personally I don't think the "mommy/daddy" thing is right.
Well for one, you cant delete rude comments.
Secondly, hes not the father and never will be so just tell him that straight out. What if you were to break up? That would confuse your son even more.
I would just tell him your not comfortable yet, if hes a mature adult he'll understand. And as for his daughter calling you mommy...how does his ex feel about this? Because I would flip shit.
That's what I'm trying to get through to him. Keshawn's mother is on drugs, and not at all a good mother so I believe that's why he wants him to call me Mommy but I prefer my name just in case it doesn't work, and he got even fight to get him for another two months (when he turns eighteen) plus the time that it takes to get everything in order. I have Malaki calling him "Kris" now, but I don't know if that'll continue. I'd love if it did, for the reasons I stated in the post but I really don't know!
If my BD was dating a girl and she wanted my son to call her mommy I would set her straight. If mom/dad are in the picture then they are the only ones who deserve the title.
I understand your aprehension, if for no other reason than your age.
I married my husband after knowing him for 6 months. My daughter from my first marriage was 18 months at the time. But everything just flowed, it all felt right and none of us ever question it. He was daddy after just a few month of us being together. That might sound nuts, but here we are, years later, still happy as can be.
If you don't feel sure about anything, you should speak up. If you don't feel comfortable about being open, it may be saying something about the strength or maturity of your relationship.
Just be honest with how you feel, mamma!
Good luck :)
Quoting Binky ♡:" Well for one, you cant delete rude comments. Secondly, hes not the father and never will be so just ... [snip!] ... adult he'll understand. And as for his daughter calling you mommy...how does his ex feel about this? Because I would flip shit."
We have yet to recieve custody of him (they are in Kansas) but he really doesn;t care what she thinks, she's on drugs and doesn't have contact with him but I still don't think it's right...
I can understand where he is coming from, but if your not ready just tell him your not ready & you don't wanna confuse your LO if anything was to happen & lets just take it slow & time will tell....
I agree with the previous posters. Would you want your son calling another lady 'momma' if the tables were turned a little bit?
<blockquote><b>Quoting 1inpink2inblue:</b>" You can't delete rude comments BAWHAHAHA:twisted: Also I don't think it is a good idea for his son to call you mommy EVER considering his REAL mom is in the picture. "</blockquote>
lol i was thinking the same thing. lol...
Having him understand my reasoning is a little hard, but I think once he sees that it's the best thing for Ke and Ki he'll come around. Once we get custody of Ke, Sarah (the mother) will NOT be in the picture (she's on drugs, picks her boy toy over him, and we've heard had another kid..) and so far, my child's father has not been in the picture thus far (his girfriend has two girls that he's taking care of) so that shouldn't be a problem but I'd rather he be "Kris" to mine and I be "Jen" to his, but wouldn't that confuse the children with one calling me "Mommy" and the other calling him "Daddy" because if everything pans out, we'll all be living together.