Back to Noob Status Ohio 14048 posts
Feb 11th '13

I'm not entirely financially stable either, but I also don't have children. I would not date a man who was in serious debt, however.

andrea_mak United States 1 posts
May 24th '14

Quoting :

user banned
Des Moines, Iowa
1848 posts

Haven't read any responses because this immediately got me thinking about my ex husband.

We got married when I was twenty, and he completely lacked financial stability. He had a high paying job as a roofer, but no work ethic, and with it being seasonal work (where he would never find a temporary job to make up for dead time) and his lack of work ethic (constant no shows) he barely made 16 k a year. I was going to school full time and raising kids well into our marriage as we could not afford daycare expenses. I also squeeze in part time work on top of this.
For the time we were dating and the earlier parts of our marriage, I overlooked our financial situation because it seemed there really was a potential for things to get better. Then we moved to Alaska so I could finish my schooling.

Things went really poorly for us. My ex developed a pill addiction which he hid from me, and we never had any money to pay our bills. Our heat and electricity got shut off more times than I can remember, and this was a serious problem as we lived in Alaska when things went down the shitter.

Our relationship became very volatile due to the financial stress (and I would imagine due to the burden he carried of hiding a drug habit). I ultimately left him shortly after the birth of my second daughter. I realized that he was never going to change. I could not put my children in this situation any longer. I have never had unrealistic expectations, but I felt strongly that my children and I deserved a home of our own and a life free from the unnecessary woes of poverty.

I left him in early 2008. We are still friends, we text frequently throughout the week. But he is no father. He has not contacted his daughters since I left him. And he is exactly the same as he was when I left him. Still dealing with drug problems, and employment issues. I feel really bad for him, though. He had a great personality, he loved me deeply, and he was a really smart guy. Unfortunately, his parents were on the extreme end of alcoholism and dug addiction, and I believe this played into his personal problems with succeeding in life.

He has now decided to give my daughters up for adoption to my DH. My DH is actually at the bank sending him money so he can pay for a notary. I feel sad that he is not a part of my girls life, but he is welcome to see them whenever he can get his act together and fly out. I actually have a lot of respect for him for making this decision. I imagine it was really difficult for him, but he has provided an ultimate kindness for my daughters in this act.

you knew this about your ex and you took no action?   you're a horrible wife just as he's a horrible husband... you are to blame, too, as both of you are each other's responsibility.  you should be ashamed of yourself for only feeling pity for him and not doing what love is all about.

user banned f**k off, fl, United States 5174 posts
May 24th '14

Quoting :
I don't even like DATING guys that are financially unstable, so no, I definitely wouldn't marry one. Unless, he gave me total control of the finances and i gave him an "allowance"


I'm not supporting anybody but myself and my child.  Men need to ahve their own jobs and money for themselves and vice versa.  I'm not even a fan of the SAHM scenario.

one of each 4 me TTC since Jan 2015; 3 kids; Ohio 6295 posts
May 24th '14

My husband does not have a lot of debt but he does not make nearly enough to even begin to support us. I make a lot more money than he does and I have a LOT of debt caused by my ex husband who stole my credit cards. If I did not marry him simply because he was not able to financially support us I would have been doing a huge disservice to myself and my children because he is a great guy with a lot of potential. 

Lin Brown TTC since May 2015; 2 kids; Tunnel Hill, Georgia 1941 posts
May 25th '14

I did  marry a guy that was financially unstable, I don't base relationships on how much money we have, I base them on honesty and faithfulness. I am the one that is in debt, but we very rarely fight or even bicker about money issues. I would rather be with someone that has financial issues that loves and cares for me rather then be with someone that is financially stable and end up in a divorce because money doesn't last forever and shit happens all the time. I was lucky enough that my husband didn't have any debt from his previous marriage, but even if he did, there are ways to take care of it

dreadluck Due September 3 (girl); 3 kids; 1 angel baby; Canada 295 posts
May 26th '14

It has nothing to do with what job and how much money they have at some random time in their lives, shit happens.

My first SO had a great job when I met him, heavy duty mechanic, and he turned out to be an abusive alcoholic with absolutely zero work ethic, he would make me call in sick for him, fake whatever he possibly could to get out of work, rack up 400$ phone bills calling sex lines, scream at me for not cleaning enough ect ect list goes on.

When I met my husband he had just quit his job and all we did was party. He had just moved to my town into a trailer with his friend who was in a bind and called him from out of province to move here and help him get his life straight. Hes never missed a day of work, I am lucky enough to be able to stay home with our kids and he pretty much hands me his pay cheques, treats my children as his own and is the most faithful, loving man I could ever hope to be with, I think about how grateful and lucky we are to have him every day. 

Buuuttt all that shit you listed about the pills ect have nothing to do with that. He sounds like a douche either way. 

Kaleighshaleigh 3 kids; USA 7100 posts
May 26th '14

No way, why would I start a life together with problems? Marriage can be hard in the beginning just getting through normal life why add a financial burden to it? Just wait. Wait for him to become financially stable. Marry a MAN that is responsible in all areas. Be careful and don't choose a 20-30 year old with a teenage mentality that is selfish and spends every dime that he makes or can't keep a job. There are many reasons to be financially unstable at a young age and some reasons are worth waiting out, but some reasons are simply signs of a lazy slacker that you shouldn't waste your time on. Before i got married my husband and I had a plan, and a budget. I even pulled my husband's credit report before we got married to make sure I could trust him with our family finances. Marriage should be a life long union and choosing someone to marry should be taken very seriously.