still needing words of comfort ... * Rock Stars * Due September 6; 1 child; New Mexico 96 posts
Nov 2nd '11

"I was in love! <3 With, the best guy in the world! He taught me how to fish, go off roading, hunt!! So many things I never thought I'd be doing!! We would be able to have a confortable silent moment!! He was perfect in every way that a guy can be perfect!!

I come from a very traditional hispanic family. No dating until you finish school! You can't leave the house until the day you get married! You must be a virgin the day of your wedding!

But I fell in love!! You can't tell your heart what to do!! It happens!! We ended up pregnant.

Had I finished school? Nope, have one more year to go of Graduate School.
Was I married? Nope, and no longer a virgin.

Our plan was to move in together!

We were in love! And pregnant! What more can I ask for!?

My family thought other wise. In their eyes, he had "stolen" me and ruined my life. A baby is a gift! This baby is our gift! From God! Created with love!

Daniel and I tried talking to my family. Didn't turn out as expected. Everything went wrong that night. Dad got upset and started name calling. Daniel got upset as well. Next thing I know, I'm on the floor crying, my sister is on the phone with the cops, mom is holding dad back, and Daniel is outside yelling "COME OUT SO I CAN KICK YOUR ASS f**king OLD MAN!"

Why won't my family just be happy for me!?

Daniel blames my family. He has gone to my house twice, and broken car windows, and dented dad's truck with a rock. He has stolen my dogs. He has come to my work place and created a scene. I was told by my supervisor that if he comes one more time, I would lose my job. There are several police reports against him.

Months later, I find myself where I am today.

Dad refuses to look at any ultra sound pictures. Daniel has "moved on" and is now living with another girl, sharing the bed that he had once said belonged to me, raising her child.

If I get a text from him, its just to tell me that he goes and sleeps with random girls before going home to Jessica, that all girls are "wh**es", that I taught him that, "why treat them good" he says, and to demand I tell him when I am due.

I love him to death! And going to bed at night alone hurts as hell! I can't get the image of him sleeping with her! He said he loved me! And now he wants nothing to do with me and this baby that is coming to this world in 2 weeks! I just want to close my eyes and all this be a nightmare! Wake up by his side!

He has threatend that I don't deserve this child and that he will take her away, that he will get an attorney. That the court will give him custody because he has a house and a car and I still live with my parents.

I felt so stupid yesterday at a New Born Care class! Everyone had their husbands/boyfriends there and I was the only dork without a partner! Saturday I am going to a Delivery class and the instructor told us to take our partners! I don't have one! I am all alone.

His sister and mom keep messaging me in FB saying that they want to be part of this baby's life. I want him there the day I deliver soooo bad but at the same time I'm scared that he will create a scene or something.

I know he isn't happy with Jessica. He texted me 2 weeks ago asking me if I could send him a picture of me and the belly, that it would cheer him up. I did! I still love him! I thought I would invite him to my next ultrasound! But he said he had better things to do.

I get soo mad sometimes and just want to hurt him and this Jessica with her little boy! I've gone and asked at court what I can do for child support! I was told that since I don't have insurance and have been a self pay, that there is a possibility to make him pay 50% of all medical bills, and if he refuses, that the court would seize his assets! But then other times, I fall! I begged him like an idiot this passed weekend, asking him why we can't be together if we know we both love each other!

Just a heart broken mommy to be needing some words of comfort ....."

That was me 2 months ago. Today. I have a beautiful 2 month old baby girl by myside! She is my everything! But things still aren't going well.

Due to my diabetes, I was told my the DR that I was going to get labor induced. I went in on a Tuesday for a routine check up and the DR admitted me that afternoon to the hospital. They started all the things necessary to get labor started. Once it had started, there were complications. Baby's heart would stop beating everytime i would get a contraction. DR ordered an emergency c-section. The love of my life was born on Sept 8th at 122am.

my baby girl was born with cleft pallete and cleft foot. she was having a hard time breathing on her own. the hospital that i delivered at is very small, and they didn't have the equipment needed to help her breathe, so she had to get transferred to another city, 45 min away. they day she was born, i was unable to hold her. she got transferred right away, and i just saw as they wheeled her away, i didn't get to see or hold her. i got frustrated, she was at another hospital. i got released from the hospital sunday night. 4 days after she was born i was finally able to see her. she was at the NICU. sedated because she had a tube down her throat that was helping her breath. connected to all sorts of machines. i was unable to hold her. it broke my heart!

Daniel knew I had diabetes, and he knew i was going to be getting labor induced. when i checked in at the hospital to give birth, i asked to be registered at "private", i didn't want daniel or his family to know that i was having the baby. somehow, they found out.

the day i gave birth, him and his sister showed up, and all he had to say to me was "you look skinny". the sister told me that the mother wanted to see the baby, and i told him that she wasn't there, that she had gotten transferred to another hospital. they left. the DR came in so my family went outside to the lobby while i talked to him. well, daniel returned with his family. my family was in the lobby. daniel jumped and started attacking my dad, saying that he was going to kill him. that my dad was keeping his baby away from him. securtiy had to get called and they escorted daniel and his family outside.

when the birth certificate lady came, i didn't add him. she has my name and only i appear on the birth certificate. this was MY choice.

he had been sending me threats and black mailing over text. i went and talked to an attorney and he said that there is no judge in this world that would give him custody of my baby just because. i am the mother, she is my daughter. i just want what is best for her.

he keeps saying that he is going to kill my dad, that i will be seeing bullets flying through my windows.

he told me "next guy you mess around with, tell him your a diabetic b***h you has fucked up babies"


i did not let him meet her when she was in the hospital.

she got realeased 20 days later. she is perfect.

he called me saying he had a "sex vid" of us. that if i didn't let him see her, that he was going to show that to my family, my co workers, my supervisor and all my friends. i fell. i don't want to loose my job. i need my job. he met her for the first time last week. we met at a carls jr and i let him see her for a couple of minutes. it was like 30 minutes maybe. 3 days later he tells me he wants to see her again, but that this time i HAVE to take her to his house. uhh i don't trust him. he has told me he is going to take her away from me. that he wants to hurt me. seriously, i was not going to go behind close doors with him. i said no and told him to do whatever he wanted to do. he then texts me saying that he sin't going to hurt me even though i deserve it. well, to me that means he was lying about the vid. there is no vid.

he has told me he is doing cocaine, drinking, having random sex. last week, he told me he was going to kill him self.

i went to school, got a bachelors in finance and i am currently working at the university. i tried applying for medicaid for my baby and we dont qualify because "i make too much" $30,000 a year.

my baby has been getting weekly treatmeants for her cleft foot. she will be getting surgery for her cleft pallete. i applied for insurance at work, and got accepted, but they won't cover everything, i will be paying for part of everything. i am getting bills non stop daily in the mail. i still have bills that i owe from when i was pregnant.

i told daniel that he needed to help me with bills, and he said he was going to remain unemployed for a couple of years, said that if he didn't work, he didn't have to pay child support.

he is now texting me saying that he has a lawyer. that she told him that "i am a bad mother" because i am keeping her away from him. how does that make me a bad mother? i don't feel safe around him. he said he is going to fight for her and that the judge is going to give him custody because she is going to be better off with him. how is she going to be better of with a suicidal, alcoholic, cocaine / drug user, unemployed a*****e she has as a father?! there is no way!

what would you do? still needing words of confort ......

Jessica 3 kids; North Pole, AK, United States 26015 posts
Nov 2nd '11

Holy shit, dude.

HotMom21ERF Due December 17 (twins); 1 child; Kentucky 20983 posts
Nov 2nd '11

that is hella long.

AdriaM 2 kids; Saskatchewan 433 posts
Nov 2nd '11

Honestly if he's that into hard drugs & criminal record & not on the birth certificate I do not see how you have much to worry about. If he was on the birth certificate he would have rights to her but because he's not registered as the father he can't really fight you for anything as far as I know. Plus the court would look at his standing with drug abuse/threats/criminal record and they will know the best situation for your baby girl. Try not to stress about it, they do what is in the best interest of the on paper he's not even her father with any rights.

Zachary and Joshua's momm Due June 19 (boy); 17 kids; Calgary, Alberta 1731 posts
Nov 2nd '11

Wow..that guy is an a*****e who doesn't deserve either you or the baby. In my opinion you need to cut all ties including going after him for child support and help with your medical expenses. Why risk having him hurt your child just to hurt you?? I wouldn't have a single thing to do with him and would get a restraining order ASAP!

* Rock Stars * Due September 6; 1 child; New Mexico 96 posts
Nov 2nd '11

How am I a bad mother?!

I have the support of my family, but I still feel so alone and depressed at times. he says that my family is keeping him away from his baby. he hasn't proven to me that he wants to be a father.

Kristen & Sadie 1 child; Fresno, California 2992 posts
Nov 2nd '11

I'd get a restraining order ASAP. Doesn't sound like it'd be hard either with all the texts he's sending you. You will not be punished for not letting him see her, especially if you have good reasons such as these. I'd file for custody, most likely you will get full, and a restraining order, which means (here in CA) for 3 yrs he would only be able to see the child at a supervision agency. He sounds like a dumb ass, sorry you have to deal with him :(

The Once-ler 4 kids; Australia 1166 posts
Nov 2nd '11

<blockquote><b>Quoting Nat Salazar:</b>" How am I a bad mother?! I have the support of my family, but I still feel so alone and depressed ... [snip!] ... at times. he says that my family is keeping him away from his baby. he hasn't proven to me that he wants to be a father."</blockquote>

You aren't. He sounds like a nutcase. You're doing the best thing for your daughter by keeping him away.

K&A 17 kids; California 884 posts
Nov 2nd '11

Daannng....he makes my BD look like father of the year. He needs help. I would stay away from him and even move away! Don't even go after child support. Just forget him and move on with your life.

* Rock Stars * Due September 6; 1 child; New Mexico 96 posts
Nov 3rd '11

see the thing is that i DONT want his child support, but he started texting me this mornings saying that he is going to fight and take her away from me. im actually leaving work early today to try and get that restraining order. sometimes i wish he were the type that just disappeared and never came back! but no, she says im a "bad mother" because i am not letting my baby see her father!! =(

K&A 17 kids; California 884 posts
Nov 3rd '11

<blockquote><b>Quoting Nat Salazar:</b>" see the thing is that i DONT want his child support, but he started texting me this mornings saying that ... [snip!] ... just disappeared and never came back! but no, she says im a "bad mother" because i am not letting my baby see her father!! =("</blockquote>

You are NOT a bad mother. He's a trainwreck and your daughter needs to stay away from him.

ReesMom2♥MFH 2 kids; Texas 8797 posts
Nov 4th '11

Wow - so sorry for everything you are going through. You must be a very strong person. I would find all of that very overwhelming! I hope you are keeping copies of everything he sends you that has a threat included. Just in case you ever do need proof of the threats and his acknowledgments of doing drugs, etc.

Why didn't you get pregnancy medicaid? You most likely would have qualified and then you wouldn't have all the debt from pregnancy medical bills?

As far as insurance for your daughter, look into the subsidized medical care that may help with what your insurance doesn't cover. Here in Texas it's called Chips, and I qualified making about what you are making. It's hugely discounted medical care, like $37 a year and then $12 office visits and $8 prescriptions. Maybe that will help with the stuff that isn't covered by your work insurance.

Good luck mama! Stay safe!

* Rock Stars * Due September 6; 1 child; New Mexico 96 posts
Nov 7th '11

i tried applying for pregnancy medicaid and they said i didn't qualify (wtf). i have had to move back in with my parents because i can't with the bills and everything!!

AZLady 2 kids; Phoenix, Arizona 151 posts
Nov 7th '11
Quoting Nat Salazar:" How am I a bad mother?! I have the support of my family, but I still feel so alone and depressed ... [snip!] ... at times. he says that my family is keeping him away from his baby. he hasn't proven to me that he wants to be a father."

Sorry you are going through this with your ex. My daughter's father blamed my family for the longest time for him not coming around...which was total BS. If your ex wants to be in the baby's life, he would make an effort to straighten up his act. Things may have seemed great in the beginning, but some guys are good at putting on a facade for a long time before their true colors come out. You are so much better off without him!