Reply
Summer lovin' 2 kids; Michigan 57412 posts
May 9th '11

i lost this thread :) hi ladies. i'll update soon about how healing my home birth was.

Punk Rock Princess {EBFT} 3 kids; Killeen, Texas 26911 posts
May 9th '11
Quoting tandem mama *OKGFB*:" i lost this thread :) hi ladies. i'll update soon about how healing my home birth was."


Oh mine too! Actually let me go ahead and do that..I don't remember if I ever talked about my birth rape on here but after my first son was born my midwife put her whole hand/arm inside me while I was screaming "No, Stop, Don't touch me" and I was being held down by the nurses. It was horrific.




With my second baby I had a healing home birth..afterward I had lots of bleeding and my midwife started to do the same thing (manually extracting clots) and I screamed "NO!" at which point the birth assistant grabbed my hand and said "It's ok, take a deep breath" and I said "No, do NOT do that, that's what traumatized me about my first birth, don't do it." And she didn't. I should have talked to her about it before that point but it was hard for me to talk about until I was confronted with it again. So much better this time. :)



Both stories are in my profile!

✂ Calabaza✂ 18 kids; Arizona 18142 posts
May 25th '11

Oh my gosh, I never knew this thread existed. I will be reading all of it over the next few days I hope. Just the first few pages have brought tears to my eyes. What I went through isn't as extreme as what some of you have been through, but it was terribly traumatic for me and I don't think I will ever get over it. I pray every day that I will be able to have a peaceful, non-traumatic birth this time. It was just so horrible and I didn't know there was any other way. I will share my story tomorrow or Thursday when I have time to cry and type it all out. I am so relieved to find other people who understand.

Punk Rock Princess {EBFT} 3 kids; Killeen, Texas 26911 posts
May 25th '11
Quoting ✂ Calabaza✂:" Oh my gosh, I never knew this thread existed. I will be reading all of it over the next few days I hope. ... [snip!] ... story tomorrow or Thursday when I have time to cry and type it all out. I am so relieved to find other people who understand."


Welcome! Take your time, I'm glad you found us. :)

Summer lovin' 2 kids; Michigan 57412 posts
May 25th '11

<blockquote><b>Quoting Punk Rock Princess {EBFT}:</b>" Oh mine too! Actually let me go ahead and do that..I don't remember if I ever talked about my birth ... [snip!] ... hard for me to talk about until I was confronted with it again. So much better this time. :) Both stories are in my profile!"</blockquote>




My ob did the same and until I gave birth at home it was very defining of who I was. But now, it's not. I can talk about it without feeling sorry for myself, without crying or feeling shame.

Summer lovin' 2 kids; Michigan 57412 posts
May 25th '11

<blockquote><b>Quoting ✂ Calabaza✂:</b>" Oh my gosh, I never knew this thread existed. I will be reading all of it over the next few days I hope. ... [snip!] ... story tomorrow or Thursday when I have time to cry and type it all out. I am so relieved to find other people who understand."</blockquote>




Wecome! I hope you find healing through your second birth

2pinx&1blu Due November 17; 3 kids; 2 angel babies; Tyler, Texas 6228 posts
May 29th '11

My story doesn't compare to some of yours... but it was how my trust was taken and betrayed that haunts me the most... and my husband is still upset over the experience as well.



I copied this from my facebook explanation because I really hate retyping it... so here it is:



*Please don't judge me.. I don't need pity or attention I just need to get this all off of my chest so I can find closure so I wont have all of this baggage to bring with me to my next birth... *



I made a post last night about how I needed some good vibes sent my way because fears from my last birth are sneaking up on me and starting to freak me out about my upcoming birth...



Well, here is my story and it is copyed and pasted from other posts I made last night on other mom groups so I could get it all out so if it's not very sequential, you know why. Honestly I am not going to bother with retyping it... I deleted the other people's posts for their privacy... so that's why there are a lot of empty bullets.




Brittany Joiner
Okay ladies... I was responding to a post about this in another page and it brought back a lot of things... The discussion was to whether or not you consider your c-section giving birth... and honestly, because of eh circumstances surrounding my delivery, I can't bring myself to even say that my daughter was born.. she was delivered. This is very difficult for me since I still struggle with this and even bringing it up is bringing back harsh memories that I wish i didn't even have...

If your c-section was unnecessary, how long did it take for you to feel like you gave birth? I need to heal and have some sort of closure without having to rely on this birth so much because if I end up with another c-section then I will be right back where I started... please help me learn to heal... how did you heal?




7 hours ago

Summer lovin' 2 kids; Michigan 57412 posts
May 29th '11

<blockquote><b>Quoting Abby & Skyla's Mommy:</b>" My story doesn't compare to some of yours... but it was how my trust was taken and betrayed that haunts ... [snip!] ... Like Sorry for all of that but it's really bothering me... I just needed to get it all off of my chest. Thanks for reading."</blockquote>




Welcome. It's unfortunate thst doctors do this on a very regular basis. I pray you find healing and peace

2pinx&1blu Due November 17; 3 kids; 2 angel babies; Tyler, Texas 6228 posts
May 29th '11
Quoting tandem mama *OKGFB*:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Abby & Skyla's Mommy:</b>" My story doesn't compare to some ... [snip!] ... Welcome. It's unfortunate thst doctors do this on a very regular basis. I pray you find healing and peace"

Thank you. I have my VBAC coming up at anytime and I have since become a doula to hopefully help someone else avoid what I went through.

Libertarian ♥ 19 kids; San Antonio, Texas 17690 posts
May 31st '11

I found this thread on some one's about me. I'd like to join.



(MAY BE TRIGGERING TO OTHERS!)



When I had my son Gabriel he was early (at 24 weeks) well the resident (at the shittastic military hospital) saw that I was bleeding. She pressed on my abdomen but it didn't work. (I wasn't bleeding much because I couldn't even see the blood). She decided to do a manual extraction http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Manual_placenta_removal



I'm adding a link because it is too triggering to explain it to you. I was held down by 4 people while the "dr" performed a manual extraction without me having ANY pain medication while I was screaming at the top of my lungs for her to stop. She did not. In fact, she mangled the placenta and didn't check by u/s to make sure she got it all. She should have sent me for a D&C.



I endured 2 months of hell after that. The hospital told me that it was all psychosomatic because my baby died. It turns out there was placenta left in my uterus and I was rotting from the inside. I almost died on two separate occasions from this.



This caused me to be unable to grieve properly for my son. I can't stand stepping foot in a hospital. And with the C section with my twins I had to be sedated because I started to panic.



I still have flash backs and nighmares from it. I can't stand to even have a pelvic exam.

Punk Rock Princess {EBFT} 3 kids; Killeen, Texas 26911 posts
May 31st '11
Quoting Libertarian ♥:" I found this thread on some one's about me. I'd like to join. (MAY BE TRIGGERING TO OTHERS!) When ... [snip!] ... sedated because I started to panic. I still have flash backs and nighmares from it. I can't stand to even have a pelvic exam."


That's pretty close to what happened to me. *hugs* Thank you for sharing.

Libertarian ♥ 19 kids; San Antonio, Texas 17690 posts
May 31st '11
Quoting Punk Rock Princess {EBFT}:" That's pretty close to what happened to me. *hugs* Thank you for sharing."


It's so hard for me to read other people's experiences. I wasn't sure if I should share or not.



I'm hoping to have a healing midwife birth at a birthing center this time. Tomorrow is my first appointment and I am going to tell them what happened.



I'm already starting to have the flash back dreams. I wake up screaming. DH doesn't know why.

user banned -, -, United Kingdom 75061 posts
Jun 1st '11

Why was I traumatized?
I was induced.
Went in on a Wednesday night (3/9) and they inserted a gel into my cervix. Nurses hoped to see progress by the morning. I lost a lot of my mucous plug overnight and kept contracting. Hardly slept.
Thursday morning (3/10) there was no progress and they tried more gel. I contracted every 4-5 minutes all day. I got a shot of morphine to allow me to sleep. That night, I was checked and still no progress. More gel and another morphine shot so I could sleep. Plan was to get the show on the road, no matter what route, Friday morning.
Friday morning (3/11) I woke up at 6:30am with some sharp contractions. Was checked around 8am and nurse said I was still 2-3cm. OB came in and checked, told nurse she was crazy and I was actually 4-5cm.
I was sent down the hall to the case room. I was hooked up to an IV and got in my zone with the contractions. Had another morphine shot. By noon, there was no more progress. So they started the drip and the contractions came on full force and kicked my ass. I was in my zone, breathing through them until about 2pm. I was crying and begging for the epidural.
After my epi, I slept on and off for 6 hours. And everytime I would dilate, I would throw up So the nurse knew when to check me. And it sucked since they didn't allow me to eat a lot the prior 2 days. So it was all dry heaves
I started pushing at 8pm. At 9:13pm I felt the OB perform an episiotomy. I screamed ow. The nurse and my mom were on either side of me, each holding my shoulders and knees helping push. They lost my daughters heartbeat and the OB was no joke, both hands in assisting her out. He couldn't get forceps on her head. I felt the pressure relief once her head was out. I had blacked out during majority of this.
She was born only 2 minutes after the episiotomy. A little blue and very quiet. OB got her crying within seconds! I was very relieved to hear her cry.
While the nurses cleaned her up and weighed her, the OB was trying to get my placenta out. It wouldn't detach on its own. Even after 15 minutes. He was yet again, both hands in pulling attempting to get it out. Talk about OUCH!
I bled for nearly 7 weeks after and still have stitches falling out after almost 12 weeks!



While I was in active labor, SO's Mother caused a lot of drama. She was actually kicked out of delivery room!! Ever since my daughter's birth there has been lots of drama with her.

user banned 1 child; New Orleans, Louisiana 18159 posts
Jul 8th '11

It's been almost 2.5 years since my daughter was born. I still have nightmares about her birth. On March 2nd, 2009 I had my weekly check up with my midwife and had to turn in my second urine jug in a month. All was going well dh and I were joking in the room waiting for her to show up betting eachother how big she was going to be and as I said "she'll probably be nine pounds like I was at birth" the midwife walked in, took one look at my chart and told me I had to be induced. Na

user banned 1 child; New Orleans, Louisiana 18159 posts
Jul 8th '11

I applaud anyone who reads that. Sorry. I needed to get that out. I "prettied" up my original birth story because I was in denial. I feel better though